Love in the city: lust for the unattainable

Imagine: You meet someone and somehow enjoy being around that person. There is something about him or her that tells you it would be a match. But there is also something missing – the outright attraction that comes over you the moment you see someone. Lust.

Your counterpart does not seem to light that irresistible spark.

Yet for him or her, there seems to be no doubt at all when it comes to you. You get plastered with compliments, smiles and other assiduous gestures. You would like to reciprocate them on a similar level, but you are not able to do so, because it would feel like a lie. So what you answer is something kind and flirty but with a little less weight, since you prefer to soft-pedal. Still the lust is not quite there.


After a while, your emotions start changing. Feelings of real attraction start coming over you when you see each other. Your initial intuition that things match was just right and you are happy for having gone with your gut.

Finally you are in the position to respond to all assiduous gestures with the same intensity your counterpart does.

Your belly is tingling with joy, being with each other becomes more and more important and your thoughts are made of pure affection. You seem to be totally blissfully happy, you seem to be on top of the mountain, you seem to have come down the stretch. Lust takes you over.


Alas, after climbing up a mountain you also have to climb down. Sometimes you get to go down a flat, slowly sloping path, but there are also mountains that are precipitous. And here comes what seems to be the unpleasant truth in many interpersonal relationships: The moment you have finally reached the top of attraction & affection and start living it up with joy, that’s exactly the moment things start to take a plunge.

The point where you start showing your feelings honestly, mixed with irresistible lust, and pouring them into this someone, often also seem to be the beginning of the end of your “match made in heaven.”

What exactly is it about attraction, that most of us at one point or another desperately chase something seemingly unreachable then start losing interest when it’s finally served up to us on a plate?  How can relationships work if we always have to pretend to be only partly conquered in order to maintain the other person’s hunting instinct, and therefore engagement in the relationship? Are we already easy meat, just because we dedicate ourselves to someone we consider suitable for us? And are there any directions we could follow to leave this vicious circle? If you have had any similar experiences or would like to contribute your thoughts regarding this topic, your comments are welcome!


LoveLy is in her early thirties, lives in Leipzig and is experiencing single life in this bubbly town. She will give you an inside into her dating culture experiences.

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