Leipzig's insider blog & webzine in English

Dating a daddy

in Dating by

Leipzig is a bubbly town with a high quality of life. We have a historical old town, many parks, beautiful lakes nearby, numerous cultural offerings, affordable lovely flats, an excessive nightlife selection, lots of opportunities for sport and exercise and a fairly mixed gender and age structure. Also typically Leipzig: all the playgrounds in this town are filled with kids! Sounds just perfect, doesn´t it? Well, it would be, except about one third of their parents are no longer together. This is the point, where a huge problem for singles comes into play… childless Leipzig singles may often not be able to avoid dating mommies and daddies!

The perfect guy with a little restriction

Just imagine you meet this really cute guy, who seems to be the perfect match for you. It is a warm, cozy summer day, the sun is shining and you are lying on a blanket just next to the river, enjoying each other’s company, having good talks and trying to get to know each other on a personal level. You agree with pretty much everything he says, you find you have a lot in common, you just enjoy looking into his smiling face, which seems to magically attract you. After a while you start talking about the negative experiences you have had on former dates. One point you mention is that in your experience all the good ones are already married with kids. His answer to that is something you aren’t sure you really heard and want to hear it again— or not! He is a divorcé and also has two kids! And the best part is that he adds: “But that does not negatively effect any future relationship!”

Not a problem?!

Good to know that these young divorcé daddies consider their lives to be the same as any other single man’s! Why should their child/ren be a problem for their new girlfriend? They are just cute little human beings who require some attention and need to be loved. That’s true, in fact, but your potential new girlfriend wants the same! And one thing you are not looking for at the beginning of a relationship, is having to share the person of your interest! Spending days and nights together, forgetting about everything happening around you, enjoying physical and emotional closeness, enjoying just having found each other… that’s what you want at the beginning of a relationship!

The naked truth

When you’re dating a daddy it’s more like this: phones need to be turned on, otherwise you might miss an important call! Sleepovers are hard to navigate because he must get up early to take his kids to Kindergarten. Spending the weekend together is likely impossible because he needs or wants to spend the afternoon with his daughter. Dropping in spontaneously for an intimate encounter would not be a good idea because his kids could pop in at any minute. Going dancing together on a night out seems complicated because he might then not be fit enough for the soccer date with his son the next day. A romantic holiday together is something you hope for, but his daughter needs to accompany you because she has got vacation. Do you notice anything? There is just too much BECAUSE going on. And these BECAUSES are not just a figment of my imagination, they were all based on people’s real life experiences.

This column is not about protecting you from experiencing the same. It is just a reflection of reality. All the mommies and daddies out there should be aware, that having a child does influence a new relationship a lot. And not only in a positive way! Dating someone with kids means cutting back on many things. This is something both sides should consider. Being honest about your status and being able to find a good balance between a new partner and kids is something indispensable under these circumstances!

If anyone wants to share her/his experiences with this topic or is burning to give some advice, just share it!

LoveLy is in her early thirties, lives in Leipzig and is experiencing single life in this bubbly town. She will give you an inside into her dating culture experiences.

0 Comments

  1. I have to say I concur – I would never knowingly date a dad (and finish it should I find out only later – better an end with horror than a horror without end). As a working woman, time is scarce as it is, I need not and will not share what precious little time I have with someone else’s kid. I am not that maternal that I automatically adopt someone else’s offspring, just because I happen to be attracted to one of the creators of said offspring. I will not be used as new leisure activity for kids, as free babysitter, as sounding board for concerns with regards to childrearing or finding agreements with the ex (i.e. mother of the kid/kids). Dealing with the ex is another aspect of the situation that is just a deal breaker – never really keen on my exes, so I don’t get people who get on with their exes (I hear of it working, I just never have seen it working properly). Now add the necessity of constant contact with the ex – to discuss matters of upbringing (the big stuff) or just who pays for the next set of pyjamas and picks the minithem up from ballet (the small stuff) – again, life is getting even more crowded. You always have to deal with “the other woman”. Even looking into the future: I really do not want my children to have the odd half sister or half brother, I do not want my family’s finances being tied up with someone else’s offspring (in the worst case scenario I could become liable for child support for that offspring if daddy becomes incapacitated). Do I want this? No. About this I am very open, so I agree with the blog: be honest about your status and don’t waste each other’s time and emotions.

  2. I grew up with having a half brother and sister and loved it. And if my father wouldn’t have started a new relationship after he divorced I wouldn’t be here. The problem I have with the article is that it is so negative! Does this mean that when you have children and separate your life is over and future relationships would automatically fail. That is such a sad outlook on life. I believe that when you meet at a certain age you should accept the fact that your partner has had a past. Honesty is important I agree and everyone should make their own decisions. But just judging someone because he or she has children might mean you miss the chance to find someone who could be reliable and committed not afraid to take on responsibilities for example. I also don’t agree with seeing children only as a burden. Being a mother I believe children enrich your life and give you a different perspective. Not wanting to share a person to me sounds very selfish to be honest and I am not sure if I would want to have a relationship like that even without kids. I am aware that it takes a lot of maturity to overcome certain challenges but if it is the right person it is worth it.

  3. I think the “problems” presented here, like needing to have the phone on and get up early, are just part of being an adult. Anyone who doesn’t want to date some one who has – and fulfills – their responsibilities is simply not a grown-up, but a kid who wants to keep living like a student forever. Go ahead and do that if that’s what you want, but realize that YOU, the single, childless person who is unwilling to just do what needs to be done, not be the centre of attention, share, coordinate duties, and solve problems practically might be the one who has problems, and likewise the one who others would quite reasonably not want to date!!!

  4. Ulrike, you are right, that at a certain age your partner has a past. But if you just left your twenties there should also still be people without… and people with kids might enrich their life even more by dating someone who is in the same situation? !

  5. It sounds like a bad option to be a good father, spending time with your kid. And in the subline every man learn that he has to leave his kids to get a new chance for a own family. People have to be more Social and less egoistic. Its not the real life to stay on a dancefloor (especially as a 30something).

    But after 2 years as a Singlefather i am very happy with that constellation. The Price was to lost the interest in getting coupled.

  6. why do people always equate being grown up with having children? what about those of us who don’t want kids? not having them is just as valid as having them, whether it be by choice or otherwise. in the article, lovely says be honest…to both the men and the women. don’t let the kids come between you. that means accept them and that you’ll have to share that man or woman OR know that you can’t and stop things BEFORE you cause trouble for the kids as well as the two of you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*

Latest from Dating

Go to Top