Leipzig is a bubbly town with a high quality of life. We have a historical old town, many parks, beautiful lakes nearby, numerous cultural offerings, affordable lovely flats, an excessive nightlife selection, lots of opportunities for sport and exercise and a fairly mixed gender and age structure. Also typically Leipzig: all the playgrounds in this town are filled with kids! Sounds just perfect, doesn´t it? Well, it would be, except about one third of their parents are no longer together. This is the point, where a huge problem for singles comes into play… childless Leipzig singles may often not be able to avoid dating mommies and daddies!
The perfect guy with a little restriction
Just imagine you meet this really cute guy, who seems to be the perfect match for you. It is a warm, cozy summer day, the sun is shining and you are lying on a blanket just next to the river, enjoying each other’s company, having good talks and trying to get to know each other on a personal level. You agree with pretty much everything he says, you find you have a lot in common, you just enjoy looking into his smiling face, which seems to magically attract you. After a while you start talking about the negative experiences you have had on former dates. One point you mention is that in your experience all the good ones are already married with kids. His answer to that is something you aren’t sure you really heard and want to hear it again— or not! He is a divorcé and also has two kids! And the best part is that he adds: “But that does not negatively effect any future relationship!”
Not a problem?!
Good to know that these young divorcé daddies consider their lives to be the same as any other single man’s! Why should their child/ren be a problem for their new girlfriend? They are just cute little human beings who require some attention and need to be loved. That’s true, in fact, but your potential new girlfriend wants the same! And one thing you are not looking for at the beginning of a relationship, is having to share the person of your interest! Spending days and nights together, forgetting about everything happening around you, enjoying physical and emotional closeness, enjoying just having found each other… that’s what you want at the beginning of a relationship!
The naked truth
When you’re dating a daddy it’s more like this: phones need to be turned on, otherwise you might miss an important call! Sleepovers are hard to navigate because he must get up early to take his kids to Kindergarten. Spending the weekend together is likely impossible because he needs or wants to spend the afternoon with his daughter. Dropping in spontaneously for an intimate encounter would not be a good idea because his kids could pop in at any minute. Going dancing together on a night out seems complicated because he might then not be fit enough for the soccer date with his son the next day. A romantic holiday together is something you hope for, but his daughter needs to accompany you because she has got vacation. Do you notice anything? There is just too much BECAUSE going on. And these BECAUSES are not just a figment of my imagination, they were all based on people’s real life experiences.
This column is not about protecting you from experiencing the same. It is just a reflection of reality. All the mommies and daddies out there should be aware, that having a child does influence a new relationship a lot. And not only in a positive way! Dating someone with kids means cutting back on many things. This is something both sides should consider. Being honest about your status and being able to find a good balance between a new partner and kids is something indispensable under these circumstances!
If anyone wants to share her/his experiences with this topic or is burning to give some advice, just share it!