How to best signal interest?
Usually there are four types of singles:
…Those who are too shy to really send signals to the people they are interested in.
…Those who are really outgoing and have no problem showing interest, but since they are pretty talkative and approachable to many of us, we can’t be sure that we are someone special for them.
…Those who aren’t shy at all, but because of some missing sensibility they just approach too aggressively.
…And those somewhere out there who just manage to find the golden mean, and therefore soon will no longer be single.
This column will give you some tips on how to effectively show someone that you’d like to, uh, connect with them, and hopefully graduate from the singles’ club if that’s what you’re aiming for.
Avoiding #missed chances
Haven’t most of us experienced it sometime in our lives, that we really liked someone but somehow were afraid of getting pushed away, so we figured we’d better just kept our feelings to ourselves? A friend of mine has an old friend from school, whom she has had a little crush on for ages. But she never told him. For a few years he’s had a girlfriend who seems to be ok, but the relationship does not seem to be big love. When he visited my friend, I saw them interacting with each other and I could tell for sure that he also has some kind of crush on her. But she still does not want this to be stated between them, since he is already taken, and it has been going on like that for years.
Wouldn’t you also call that a missed chance? Why not tell the person you like that you do, if there seems to be some kind of special connection between you? That does not mean declaring your love, but just giving a little hint like, “Sometimes I have the impression that we would be a perfect match,” or “Sometimes I feel like you are someone really special to me.“ If they feel the same, it’s up to them to decide what they really want and/or if their current relationship is what they are really looking for. At least you will not have to admit to yourself that your shyness made you miss the beat.
Making sure that special someone feels special
All of us are special in our own way. But not all of us can be someone special for you! There are these nights out, where you happen to witness this guy walking through the club, starting to talk to a girl. She seems to feel honoured that he chose her, but somehow the electricity between them loses its power quite soon. While she needs time to digest the cognition that he is not the long-awaited frog turning into a prince, he is already on the homestretch towards the lady dancing next to him. After some hot and extensive dancing, they also seperate. And finally the special moment arrives. He finally recognizes me in the crowd. Longing looks, big grins, and closer he comes with every wink. But I actually don’t want him to do this! Who wants to be third choice? I guess most of us would not! Basically we all want to be that special someone or at least feel like we are. If you do really like someone and want to boost your chances, make sure you figure that out before and then just focus on that one special person. Everything else is likely to turn into a disaster.
Overcoming lack of tact
“You look great. But I think without your glasses you would look even better!“ Have you heard pick-up lines like that, or have you even used them? Or even better: “I don’t think you need sugar in your coffee since you are already sweet as candy!“ Some might call that witty, I might just call it tactless.
In our modern world, we have overcome the romantic perception that only men should approach women. Many men would just love to be approached by a woman, but not so many women manage to bring themselves to do just that. As a result, women who do, don’t really need to figure out something extraordinary to say. Saying something not too stupid is just enough. The man of your choice will feel so honoured, that chances of being rejected are quite low. On the other hand, for the male species it’s much more complicated. After talking to many women about pick-up lines, I’ve detected a distinct tendency: The less special but the more genuine it is, less likely you are to be rejected. Just tell the center of your worship that she/he attracted your attention and you would like to get to know her/him. Period! A statement like that you can use in every situation; it simply tells the truth and it’s nothing you could offend anyone with. And the most courteous way to answer in the case of lack of interest, is the all-time favourite: “I’m sorry, but I’m already seeing someone else!“ In the end, no one will feel foolish, refused or mocked.